“PROCEED TO CHECKOUT” Three little, seemingly benign words. To most people, a means to an end. To me, like crack for the soul. A panacea for all that ails me. A thrill, a dirty little secret, all my own. This is the story of my personal journey into the mall and back out again. At times funny, at times sad, always difficult.
Indulgent and self-destructive. Not words that most people would use when describing me. The most often used words include smart, fun, strong, classy and beautiful (yes, I took a poll of people who know me). If you met me, you’d think it’s pretty good to be me. Which, big picture, it really is. But no matter how great my life is on the whole, like everyone else, I have a bête noir. Compulsive shopping is my drug of choice these days. There are no television programs for this kind of problem, no Intervention, no Celebrity Shopaholic Rehab with Dr. Drew (oh but that there were! *sigh* Dr. Drew!) no Dr. Phil House for overspenders. I realize that in the eyes of many this doesn’t seem like a “real” problem, I am not going to jail for it, and I am certainly not going to die from blowing thousands of dollars on handbags. However, in my life and in the lives of others at Debtaholics Anonymous, it is a VERY real problem.
Alcoholics drink to forget, crackheads hit the pipe, I hit the mall. Or, if it’s odd hours and I can’t sleep, the internet. The rush of finding something I didn’t know existed before and my concurrent, immediate need for said item is euphoric.
In my coming posts, I will look back through my past to see where this started, how it started, hopefully WHY it started, and I will chronicle my current attempt to fill my life with meaning instead of with stuff. I hope you will join me, as it should be, if nothing else, a pretty entertaining trip!
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