Thursday was a craptastic day in every regard. Woke up grouchy, work was not delightful, and I got some bad news about someone very sweet. After what seemed like an eternity, it was 4, time to leave the office. DP (one of my closest friends ever) says “Go shopping with me.” I say “Ok, let’s watch me try not to buy anything. LOL. Good luck, me.” This exchange was over the IM, I do not say “LOL” out loud. On the drive to the shopping center, I was telling myself “Self, this will be no problem. You will just help her pick out stuff, and that will be almost as good as picking out stuff for yourself.” Full of confidence, I enter the store.
This is my first time in a non-grocery store this week, so this is my first test since I confessed my secret to everyone and decided to change. I was always an A student in school, and have never done poorly on a test. Until now. There, spread out before me, are racks and racks of colorful, lovely delights, some shiny, some sparkly, some ruffly. Handbags and shoes to my right, jewelry to my left. My pulse quickens, and I feel a rush of excitement. This is the first moment in this entire day I have felt happy to be out of bed. Deep breath, Self. Get a grip.
I peruse the racks with DP, trying to figure out what she likes so I can pick out some stuff for her to try on. Five minutes or so pass, so far, so good. Then a purple dress catches my eye. A designer dress, my favorite color…I’ll just have a closer look. Oh my the fabric feels wonderful. Trying it on is free, right? Look at that. A blouse with chiffon ruffles! I’ll just try that on too. I think you can all see where this is going. One piece leads to another and I end up in the dressing room with an arm load of things to try on.
DP and I try on all our items, laugh at some of them, discuss them in front of the mirror (had there been an 80s tune playing in the background it could have been a movie montage) and finally we put our own clothes back on and decide what we are going to purchase.
I am at the checkout counter, five items in hand. All of them are on sale, I tell myself, how much can it really be? I get an extra discount for being a “preferred” customer, which is swell. I watch the items ring up, and DP looks at me in her non-judgmental but obviously disappointed way. I try not to make eye contact with her, I am in the thrall of buying.
$200 later, alone in the car with my purchases, the shame begins to creep up on me. Since it was my first time in a store since admitting my problem, and I haven’t even been to a meeting yet, I am going to give myself a pass. DP did talk me into returning one dress, which is something I have NEVER done, so that’s a step in the right direction, isn’t it?
Stay tuned...
Oh, boy. Am glad that DP was with you and not I...though I managed to go home without a fantastic purple dress twice this past week. It's still there, I saw it again last night. It called my name. And I had to RUN...
ReplyDeleteI see a light at the end of the tunnel for you, my dear - you RETURNED something! This is BIG! Don't be too hard on yourself...the world is rude enough.